Paper ID: 2404.01079

Stale Diffusion: Hyper-realistic 5D Movie Generation Using Old-school Methods

Joao F. Henriques, Dylan Campbell, Tengda Han

Two years ago, Stable Diffusion achieved super-human performance at generating images with super-human numbers of fingers. Following the steady decline of its technical novelty, we propose Stale Diffusion, a method that solidifies and ossifies Stable Diffusion in a maximum-entropy state. Stable Diffusion works analogously to a barn (the Stable) from which an infinite set of horses have escaped (the Diffusion). As the horses have long left the barn, our proposal may be seen as antiquated and irrelevant. Nevertheless, we vigorously defend our claim of novelty by identifying as early adopters of the Slow Science Movement, which will produce extremely important pearls of wisdom in the future. Our speed of contributions can also be seen as a quasi-static implementation of the recent call to pause AI experiments, which we wholeheartedly support. As a result of a careful archaeological expedition to 18-months-old Git commit histories, we found that naturally-accumulating errors have produced a novel entropy-maximising Stale Diffusion method, that can produce sleep-inducing hyper-realistic 5D video that is as good as one's imagination.

Submitted: Apr 1, 2024